A Diamond Fan

The girls love the song Copacabana by Barry Manilow. 

It's really just because the lead lady is named Lola like their dog. 

Sometimes I redo the words for them.."her name is Lola, she is a sausage, with yellow feathers in her teeth cause she just chomped on a tweet."

Our dog Lola is fat and lazy, much like Lola in the song after Tony dies and the disco comes to town. 

But, other than Copacabana and I guess the American Bandstand song, I don't much get into Barry. 

I'm no "Fanilow" like my favorite blogger Wendi Aarons is. 

She proudly professes her love for Barry. 

That and she hates kid movies and loves the fact that Farrah from teen mom lives near her now.  

I'm so jealous of that last one. 

But, back to my main point. 

I think I am more of a Diamond Fan myself. 

Neil Diamond that is. 

All of his songs get me belting out at the top of my lungs while driving down Business 51. 

Chad knows all of the words to ND songs, too. 

Which mortifies the kids even more than just me knowing all of the lyrics to Song Sung Blue. 

Really, when it come to Sweet Caroline or Cherry Cherry, Forever in Blue Jeans and America, you just can't help singing along. 

Loudly to boot. 

So I'm here proudly declaring my love for Neil Diamond. 

A few years back I saw The Black Diamond perform at a local street festival.  
I had planned my afternoon around the event. 

No lie, that's what he called himself. 

This had to be good, right?!

Neil Diamond songs being sung on the street where I could join in and boogie along. 

I still can't erase the noise out of my brain. 

This African-American dude touted himself as being capable of replicating Neil's sound. 

Um, nope. 

When he pulled a woman from the crowd to sing Barbra's part in "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" I had to walk away. 

Really I ran. 

That guy should be in jail. 

Oh, and I adore Tom Jones as well. 

But it's really just a way to honor and remember my Aunt Jeanne who thought Tom was the sexiest singer this side of the pond. 

Other than Elvis, of course. 

Who do you heart of the three? 

Neil, Barry, or Tom?

Come on, you've got to pick one!

Parents Say The Darndest Things

When you have kids you hear yourself saying some strange things.
And we have had our share of strange things said around here.
Not just the regular parent things like "because I said so!" or "don't put that in the toliet!"
We have said the following things to our kids lately...

"Take that cat back outside Zoe!"
"Why?"
"Because that's not our cat!"
"It's not?!"

"Please do NOT spray air freshener into your hair so it smells like apples and do NOT spray it on the dog because he smells like a horse."

"Somebody get a spatula!"
"There's something strange in the crabitat and I'm not gonna touch it!"

"You may NOT put a potty seat in the living room so that you can pee and not have to miss watching Max and Ruby!"

"We do not put food up our nose that we will then put in our mouth!"

"Yes, that is a good hiding spot, but don't hide in the dryer with the door closed again."

"If you think the Orange Dreamsicle yogurt tastes like barf, then stop eating it!"

"Hold you head still or I'll never get these little pliers around your tooth!"

These things have all been said to my kids in the past two weeks.

It's going to be a looooooong summer...

Going To Be Normal

Zoe is doing really well.
Her hair seems to be growing.
Her energy is way up.
She has normal sized bruises on her legs from playing out in the yard.
Any kind of bruising makes me nervous for her.
I look at the bruises and then keep looking at them to make sure they are going away in a traditional bruising kind of way.
For those that don't know...what peeked my curiosity about her in the September of 2010 were the large bruises she had developed on her legs and lower torso.
I'm talking 2 inch long bruises.
That were very dark.
And that never got better.
She is allowed to see her regular pediatrician now (all hail Dr. Benjamin Brooks!) if she has a sore throat or a sore ear or a sore anything.
Fevers still need to be addressed by the oncologist because she still has her port in place.
I just saw Dr. Brooks this morning (Gigi has a pussy red, pus filled, sore ear- poor girl) and I told him the news and we were both grinning like a couple of cats who spotted a fish flopping on the grass by the pond.
He saved her life and it's been a long time since he has been able to treat her.
She's a success story (knockin' on wood!) and we are fortunate that her cancer was caught when it was and that our pediatrician is a rock star.
I truly believe that if I had waited another week or two to take Zoe into the pediatrician in September of 2010 her outcome wouldn't be what it is today.
She more than likely wouldn't be here with us.

So, in honor of her life and the fact that she's doing so well now, I have a big treat for her...
I'm going to let her be a normal kid again.
I'm going to stop worrying so much.
I'm going to join her on her school field trip next week and we aren't going to worry about germs or fevers or "Hey, stop running!"
We are going to be like all of the other girl/mom groups that are out and about next week.
And the week after that.
And the week after that.
And the week after that...

I Think...

I think...

I need new underwear.
Not that my butt has gotten bigger or smaller.
It seems the same but some days my unders just go riding in places I didn't invite them to. 
Is there a super brief?
A brief that goes over my pudgy stomach, around both cheeks, and stays put all day long?
That's Spanx, right?
Maybe I need Spanx underwear.
Do they make that?
So many questions...

More people need to be true to one another.
True in their feelings.
Their friendships.
Their family relationships.
Stop the lying.
Stop the excuses.
As they say in the land of RuPaul... "there needs to be less shade and more T."
Word.

I hope there's a day that I don't think about the fact that I'm always thinking of whether or not the leukemia is staying away.
I think it's the main reason for my skin breakouts.
And my hair loss.
And my need for homemade chocolate desserts.

I need a new bathing suit top.
The ones I have are as follows...
-too big in the boobs
-too tight in the boobs
-too faded from sun/chlorine
It's time to buy a few new tops.
The bottoms I have are fine.
Quite different than my underwear problems.
Maybe I should wear bathing suit bottoms under my clothes?

Zoe has sprouted three new holes in her face this past weekend.
Two new holes in her ears and a new hole in her mouth.
Let's hope her love for adornment doesn't go any farther than her ears.
But I'm sure that her mouth will be getting some metal enhancements at some point. 
I don't even want to conjure that up in my mind.  

I'm enjoying getting out more.
Talking to other adults.
Shooting the shit and doing more than sitting in a hospital room for weeks at a time.
I like reminiscing with old friends and learning about new friends' lives. 
I think I like it.
I think I do...

Doing It All

Days and weeks can go by now and everything seems ordinary.
The girls go to school.
Dinner together every night.
Zoe has a test on telling time on an old fashion clock with hands.
Dance and piano lessons.
The only thing that really makes Zoe seem different nowadays is her hair. Or lack thereof.
So, when we have days where childhood cancer, specifically Zoe's journey through leukemia, spills open in front of us we become exhausted.
Again.
There's my overwhelming desire to give back to those that have saved my daughter.
Ways to do that are sharing our story with everyone.
Her story.
Via pictures and news stories.
All to bring awareness to the affects of childhood cancer and what we can do to help ease the pain of treatments, to find cures.
I have no intention of exploiting my daughter and her disease.
Her struggles.
Her dreams.
But if people don't SEE things like a little girl without hair, a little girl that has had to endure chemo, a little girl who has had to overcome tremendous turmoil, a little girl who misses her friend who didn't survive cancer, they just don't care.
People are visual creatures.
Photos and words have impact.
And if we can give back somehow to the doctors and the medicine that have saved our baby, we will do that.
Zoe may not remember a lot of what life was like during the initial onset of her cancer.
But we are providing her with memories of what she has overcome.
We are providing her with memories of the good we are trying to do in this big bad world that has allowed her to get cancer.
Memories of amazing encounters with people we wouldn't meet if cancer hadn't entered her world.
Zoe met the Governor of Illinois.
And a State Senator.
When she was eight years old.
The Governor got down to her eye level and spoke to her about her braveness, her good heart, and her courage to help others.
A memory that will last forever.
We want her to have these impressions in the forefront of her mind.
Not always needles, nausea, surgery.
We are giving her hope for the good she can do in this world.
Because she can do it all...

Texting Dirty

Scenario:
Couch.
In front of fireplace.
Seating positions are (left to right) Chad, me, Zoe
End table holding numerous magazines and my iPhone at right end of couch, nearest Zoe.
Nighttime.
7:15pm.
Tuesday.

Conversation:
Chad -"hey, I heard Sid's wife died.  Sandy said it was in the newspaper."
Me- "let me grab my phone to check the H&R app and the obituaries."
Leaning over Zoe to get the phone.  She's really into RuPaul's Drag Race and not into Chad and I's conversation. 
Zoe- "are you going to text dirty?"
Me- "WHAT?!"
Zoe- "are you going to text dirty now?"
Me- "Who told you about that?!  What are you learning at that school playground after lunch?!"
This last phrase was screeched out in a high pitched warble sounding similar to an oId woman yelling at the busboy because she thought he was the waiter ignoring her.
I  was beyond words.
I also kept thinking, but didn't say so, "why would I be texting dirty if your father was right next to me?  I can just talk dirty in his ear."

Then Chad said the answer to the riddle I was under attack by.
"Mark.  She wants to know if you are going to text Mark." 

Sequel:
Dirty equals my friend from high school Mark.
It's his nickname. 
She was asking if I was going to text him.
If I was going to text Dirty.
We were meeting up with him in Springfield the following day.
Whew.
Me- "No!"
Chad and I had tears flowing from the laughter of my stupidity.
Me- "I thought you were talking about sexting!"
Zoe- "What's that?"
Never.
You.
Mind.
Kid.

A Memorable Meeting With Pie

I met two ladies online a few months ago. 

Carla and Laura.

Carla lives on a 10 acre in-progress farm and Laura is a homeschooling mama.

I met them in a roundabout way through my friend Melissa. 

We have met in person twice.  

We plan on getting together at least once a month.

We had our second gathering on Saturday.

We call our little "club" Homesteaders and Homeschoolers.

The Homesteaders are myself and Carla.

The Homeschoolers are Melissa and Laura.

We are a nice blend of personalities, ideals, and values.

We are calling our gatherings "meetings."

This month's topics were varied.

Here's what we talked about in no particular order...

daughters

Disney World

sex

our hair

hairy men

mistakes

pie

booze

Shakespeare

ex-loves

current loves

crotches

blood pressure

movies

bees

family

celebrity crushes

anger

travel

It was a good time.

It's the first time (well second now) in a long time that I have had a wonderful kid-free evening with women whose company I truly enjoy.

It's a chance to make new bonds with women I admire and who make me laugh.

It's been a long time since I have done things for myself.

Homesteaders and Homeschoolers Meeting #3 can't get here soon enough.

Thanks ladies.

Thanks friends. 



Carla, moi, Melissa, Laura



I'll Take Those Heels With A Side of Sassy, Please

I don't want to be a frumpy mom.
At all.
I don't want to wear jeans everyday.
I don't want to wear a crappy bra anymore.
I'm more than that.
I don't want to forget who I was before I had kids.
The funky artistic person I used to be.
The dancer in me.
The writer in me now.
I did wear black to my own wedding for pete's sake.

I believe that if my girls see me and see that I love who I am and I don't care what others may think of my style, then they too will be more creative and free-spirited.
Uniqueness is not overrated.
It's the thing to do.
To be.

Living in the city helps you to be yourself more, I think.
You go out more and see people and you want to look your best.
In the country, you see the goats.
And the lady at the bank, but only through the triple pan glass from the car.
There's no lively walking down the street to a restaurant, showing of my new shoes anymore.
Now it's a hurried walk through a parking lot crowded with minivans and pickup trucks.

Winter doesn't help either.
I do enjoy the bundling up early Fall invites into my life.
Sweaters under blazers with a jaunty scarf.
But, I'm ready for ankle pants, heels, and jazzy tops.
I need to vamp up my hair with some accessories I think.
I need to find my style again.
I need to find the girl who used to wear flowered pants without a second thought.
I need to find the girl who used to wear orange.
I need to remember who I was before I became a hospital mom.
A mom whose sole purpose had become to save her daughter.
Hair didn't matter.
Shoes didn't matter.
We have fought the good fight and it seems we are winning.
I do know what's really important in my day to day.
Life.
I get it.
Really, really get it.
But, I think I can bring out the lipstick and dazzling earrings again.
I can wear the turquoise jewels with wild abandonment.
I can find myself and reintroduce my funky side to this plain Jane who has taken over.
But I do think I'll leave the flowered pants to the younger crowd.   

  

Break It Down People!

Some randoms from my brain as of late...

My neck has been tight when I turn to the left for the past two days.
Just thought you would want to know.

I have a date for the BlogHer Conference in July in Chicago!
I'm hoping we come away with lots of free stuff, more free stuff, and some pictures with some popular bloggers.
We are going to hit the parties that they put on and party like the 40 year old women we are!
I need some sassy new shoes for the event.

Speaking of bloggers, I got into an email altercation with another blogger recently.
Her daughter also has leukemia and I found her on some other popular mainstream blog site and started reading her stuff.
She's a published author and so I think has quite a following for her blog.
I was put off by one of her posts and told her about it.
She was griping about all of the stuff her kid has gotten since the diagnosis of cancer.
In my opinion, she should (being in the blogging position that she is in) be more responsible in what she says.
She began her rebuttal of my first email by being fakely cordial, saying she was sorry to lose me as a follower.
Then, she slept on it (or didn't sleep on it as my email had kept her up at night!) and told me in so many words that I was a pure meanie!
Well, after she wrote this on her very next blog post..."I think when I used to occasionally see a child with no hair I immediately thought: they must be dying. I didn’t know how curable most childhood cancers are."...I knew she was living in some other reality than the childhood cancer reality.
She has a lot to learn.
Tell that quote to a parent of one of childhood cancer's many victims.
I don't read her rubbish anymore.

Downton Abbey!
Oh.
My.
Word.
Here are my thoughts after seeing the season three premier...
Mr. Bates may be guilty after all. He's got quite a temper on him!
Poor Mrs. Hughes! Not The Cancer! Sigh...
I'm glad she has Mrs. Patmore.
Edith and Sir Anthony: I think she's settling because she's the last to find a man.
But he is super nice and super loaded and I'm sure they will have cute kids.
I'm torn about Matthew's inheritance and his reluctance to save Downton.
Yes, it's money from Lavinia.
I get that.
But he's married to Miss Hoity Toity now and she's wants her beloved castle and she wants it NOW!
What to do, what to do?
And Thomas!
Such a cad!
I hear O'Brien gets the best of him this season.
I can't wait to see it all!
And the grandmothers reunited under one roof.
That was divine!
Mrs. Levinson gave the Dowager a run for her money all right!
Shirley and Maggie are da bomb!
Kids, don't talk to me on Sunday night.
Mama's busy!

I predict that the summer of 2013 is going to be hotter than last summer.
We have had no snowfall.
The drought will continue.
H. O. T.
I'm thankful for my giant tank of saltwater in my backyard.
I will not be thankful for the flies.

Zoe will turn 8 next month.
We are gearing up for a Hip Hop Dance Party.
She wants to have her party at the place where she takes her dance classes.
I'm going to come in with my MC Hammer pants and hit the floor with my best lawn mower dance moves.
I don't even know what hip hop really is.
Run DMC and Jody Watley are what I think of.
Let's
Break
It
Down!

Our Year End Recap

It's the last day of 2012.
It's been quite a year for our family.
An end to chemotherapy for our now 7 year old.
Something I thought I would never have to say, yet couldn't wait to say!
We are hoping 2013 is full of nothing but good news for her.
Good news and good health.
And now, a pictorial review of our latest year that's just about behind us...

We celebrated our daughters turning another year older... 

We partook in holiday fun...

We went out of town to visit exciting new places and to also see familiar faces...

Little Rock

NASA

Galveston, Texas

state fair



Closer to home, Zoe represented Camp COCO at the Midwest Charity Horse Show and had a great week on Lake Bloomington with her fellow campers...

We heard two piano recitals...

Zoe participated in horse riding and standing lessons...

We decorated a tree in Central Park with our family for childhood cancer awareness...  

Gigi went to school for the first time...

And Zoe got eyeglasses...

We rounded up about 40 of our closest friends and family.

Friends who came from near and as far away as Texas and Omaha.

We gathered to walk for a cure.

To unite for hope and hugs.  

To remember Jake, who left us far too soon.

We battled on through the intense heat and drought of the summer by cannonballing into our pool and canoodling with our pets, including our newest addition Willie...

Zoe encountered fewer hospital stays in 2012, but they still existed for her. 

She was able to be "normal" though as she played softball and danced.



Zoe with her friend Zoe



We are hoping that the new year brings us much joy, more travel, more time with friends, and a new found happiness of childhood for Zoe.

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year!

Candy Mice

Saturday my family held our annual candy making and cookie decorating party.
We had extra cousins this year since my cousin was in town from Dallas, so my mom's side of the family was at the party this year.
We made cracker candy and turtles.
We had chocolate covered pretzels, marshmallows, peppermints.
Really, if it was standing still it was covered in white or chocolate almond bark.
And it was delicious.

We decorated cookies.
We decorated mallows.

We made some mice.
And...shhh...even had a real mouse at the party.
It was seen pre and post party, but not during party.
I bet it's little mouth was just watering looking at all of the crumbs on the floor.
Really, our cats are jerks.
A house full of them and a mouse is scurrying around.

Yesterday I made these chocolate crackle cookies.

Today I made these two brownie pecan pies.

I want to marry that one in the back.

For.
Real.

And I just finished baking some cheddar buttermilk biscuits for breakfast tomorrow morning.
Put one on a plate with a slice of leftover Christmas ham.
Drool.
I'm sure Chad will make some sort of eggy sauce to go over it all.
Drool some more.

Hug the kids extra hard tomorrow.
I didn't spoil mine this year with stuff.
Just enough toys and they will get lots of kisses tomorrow.
And every day after.
That's what they really want.
Merry Christmas folks.