Of Smoke And Spiders

(In light of my recent spider in the car encounter that was mentioned on FB, I've started thinking about things that scare me...)

Phobia.
From the Greek phobos
Defined by Webster's as "an irrational, excessive, and persistent fear of some particular thing or situation."  
I don't know if I really have any true phobias. 
I don't become frozen in place if something I don't like happens by.
But I certainly do have things that scare me.
Make me shudder.
Make me frightened.
Make me fearful.

Spiders.
I do not like spiders.
Spiders outside are okay.
I guess.
I can get somewhat close to them and look at them.
But only very quickly.
If there is a spider in my house, forget about it.
Or in the car...shudder.
Being in an enclosed area, nowhere to run. 
Spider sitting there watching and waiting and planning.
It's too much.

Scary movies.
I used to love scary movies.
But as I've gotten older I can't do it.
I think the movies have gotten darker, more sinister.
There seem to be more children being affected by mean spirits in the movies.
Whatever happened to Leatherface?  Mike Meyers?
I could deal with them.
They wore masks and looked a bit ridiculous. 
Freddy Krueger did and still does scare the bajeebers out of me, though.
But now it's demons stealing your children away if you see them on a old film or in the window pane.
Unknown entities and poltergeists hiding in your house and taking over your body and it's only caught on a hidden camera.
I will watch the ghost shows on cable TV, but only if Chad is with me.
If he decides to go to bed, I'm going to bed.
I won't then go into the kitchen area of the house.
Too far away and too dark.
The dogs need to go outside?
Forget about it.
I'm not opening the door. 
I always feel that there could be someone or something looking at me through a window.
shiver... 

Being old and alone and with no money or love.
That fear is pathetic and sad and I'm not going to elaborate.
But I think everyone has this fear, right?

Smoke.
If I am outside and I smell smoke, which happens a lot out in the country, I immediately think my house is on fire.
I will walk all over the place looking for the smoke or flames.
Is it shooting out of the basement?
Or is it coming out of the fireplace?
The fireplace thing is totally irrational because I had the chimney guy come out when we moved here in 2007 and he said "DO NOT USE THIS FIREPLACE until you get $2000-3000 worth of work done on it."  
Hence, there's never a fire in the fireplace.
Hasn't been for 33 years.
But I look anyway.
Then I look in the barn.
Is the hay loft blazing?
Are the goats running out bleating cause there's a fire in the barn?   
Nothing.
It's just someone somewhere in the country burning branches and leaves and it's wafting to my house.
Scaring the poops out of me.    

I need some Depends in my life I think...


    

The Unknown

We are born into a world of unknowns.  Everything new we encounter has to be faced with courage...courage, the ability to confront fear in the face of pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation.  It manifests itself when we are learning to walk, when we separate from mom and dad for the first time, when we venture out into the world of other children and learn to dance or sing or hit a t-ball.

As we get older we learn that courage is here to stay and always in need...starting a new job or moving to a new city, having a child and trying to breastfeed, deciding to step into a classroom to yet again expand our brain.  For those that live in the extremes, courage appears when we are in a gun battle or skiing down the side of a mountain  Courage is with us always, pushing us forward to face our fears.  

At times, we need courage for things we never thought we would.  Having a sick child takes the breath out of you.  A dark alley awaits you and your child is safely at the end waiting for you to be brave, to tell them that everything is going to be okay.  The cowardly lion was in search of courage, but as it turned out he had it all along, just as everyone does.

Mark Twain said "courage is not the absence of fear.  It is acting in spite of it."  Cancer brings out that fear...the fear of the unknown shoots up and courage has to kick into overdrive...

and we move onward...