Zoe is Eight!

She's taken on a lot.

She's fought and fought.

She's stayed with us and we celebrate her life.

We were overjoyed when she came into

our lives this day eight years ago.

We are overjoyed by the girl she's become.

Happy Birthday Z!

So mayst thou live, dear! many years,

In all the bliss that life endears,...

~Thomas Hood

"To My Daughter, On Her Birthday"

'Cause baby, you're a firework

Come on show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby you're a firework...

You're gonna leave them all in awe.

~Katy Perry

Chemo Is Over!

This kid has reached THE milestone! 
She is done with chemotherapy.
Just 2 years, 3 months, and 2 days after diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 5.
After countless days in the hospital.
After having radiation to her brain.
After three surgeries (with one still to go).
After losing her hair twice.
After breaking her ankle from poor bone health.
After an allergic reaction to chemo that landed her in ICU.
After watching her friend Jake lose his own battle with cancer.
She is done.
She is done with chemo.
She has made us wordlessly proud.
She has a strength beyond words.
She is our hero.

She begins monthly blood tests now.
Every month her blood will be checked to make sure it doesn't contain any leukemia cells.
Every month her mother and father will get an ulcer waiting for the results.

We have so many hopes for her.
Dreams, hopes, wishes.
All for a normal life.
A life without drama.
A life without medication.
A life without pain.
A life with all that her heart desires in front of her to take.

 

What You Can Find Online...

I have acquired two new inter-web friends.
Carla and Laura.
Two ladies who I have never seen other than a picture on the computer.
Two ladies who live not too far from me so I hope that one day we can meet up.
Two ladies who are funny, caring, selfless people.
Both have a great story to tell...

Carla has three kids.
I clicked on her name just to be curious after she had posted a comment on Laura's blog.
She raises and kills chickens for her family to eat.
She likes to sew and laugh.
She loves Downton Abbey and bluegrass music.
She is also a gestational surrogate.
Can't get more amazing than that!
She has a blog that deals with her day to day life called Our Happy Chaos.
You will see pictures of her adorable family and her life on a rural Illinois farm.
She also has a blog describing her surrogacy journeys, Gest Another Day. 
She has already helped one family with the birth of a daughter and is on her way to helping a gay couple from Argentina fulfill their dreams of being a family of three.
I have so much respect for her.
It takes a very special person to do that for someone.
It's one of the most generous and loving things one human being can do for another.
Carla rocks!

Laura has two girls about the same ages as my own.
She has a super blondie like Gigi who sounds just as wild and funny.
She likes spending time with her family, being outdoors, and using her crockpot.
Side note: I have recently learned that the crock pot is like the queen of my kitchen!
Anyway, I found Laura when she posted something on a mutual friend's Facebook page regarding blogging and I asked her what her blog name was and it went from there.  
Other than being a super busy mom of two, she and her husband have hosted orphans in their home from Eastern European countries (Latvia I believe). 
Orphans.
No families.
No mothers or fathers.
All alone to fend for themselves in usually not the best of scenarios.
To host a child in your home that doesn't understand the language, that you will probably never see again, who may be afraid to hug you because this is one more person who won't be there because they live an ocean away...heartbreaking and humbling.
Laura has a strength that commands an award.
She talks about her orphan hosting experiences and her everyday life on her blog
Where Love Starts.     

The internet can find you all sorts of things these days.
There are so many things to see and to buy...new boots, a birdfeeder than looks like a cat, a new partner in life, and new friends.  
I hope you take the time to check out these two amazing people's blogs.
Blogging can be a somewhat lonely experience.
I for some reason felt compelled in 2010 to start writing online about my family and our life on our farm.
It's turned into a venue to discuss the difficult things our family has had to go through beginning in the fall of 2010.
It's hard to know if you should keep writing, is there anyone really reading?  
I know I'm reading and have found some great people because of it.
Laura and Carla.
Two amazing women with amazing lives and stories to tell.
Two new friends...
    



 

Sandy and Cancer

As I've watched the coverage of Hurricane Sandy I am compelled to compare a hurricane with childhood cancer.
It's not exactly the same thing, but there are indeed human similarities.
Both..

are horrendous to go through.
are numbing to your soul.
bring about a sense of camaraderie within a community of friends, families, and strangers.
can rip a hole in your heart when you see it's devastation.
can take someone from us forever.
hit with a mighty punch when you didn't expect the punch to be quite so hard.
tax both your wallet and your sanity.
drain you of fuel, both figuratively and literally.
leave you walking around dazed.
don't really seem so bad until it's happening to you.
make you do things you thought you wouldn't do at three in the morning.
can bring a family closer together or rip a home apart.
make you fight harder than you ever thought you could to make things right again.
give you a determination to not let this horror ruin your future.
give you a sense of urgency that you can't do anything about.
wish you had a crystal ball to see what the future held.
leave you drenched and drained.
make you wonder if there was something different you should have done to prevent the damage that's before you.
make you love and hug and cry harder than you ever have before.

Childhood cancer and a hurricane.
Both beyond your control.
Both life changing.
Both introduced to you to make you a stronger person if you don't crumble under the pressure.

  

A Good Drug

Leukemia has been in our lives for 22 months. You would think we would know what's happening by now. Know the ins and outs and feel the ups and downs before they happen. But that's not how sickness happens. It jumps out from behind a bush scaring the crap out of you yet again. You know it's there, but BOO, and you are on your back down for the count. Zoe has been feeling so well for so long. But a virus has crept into her body and started to wreck havoc. The infection fighters in her blood are practically non-existent. A fever attacks followed by waves of nausea. She moans and cries and as a parent you wonder when this will all be over. Why this happened in the first place (even though you vowed to stop asking why.) When will this whole ordeal be a fuzzy and wonderlandesque memory? Then we had a breakthrough this afternoon. A guitar and a sweet girl singing to Z in her hospital room woke her up. Brought her out of her sleep and she was back for a while. Talking and smiling and in a peaceful state. I could have listened to that girl sing and play her guitar all day long. The serene feeling she brought to this room was indeed medicinal in quality. A drug from the heart to the heart. Without the nasty side effects.

Pandora Radio and Jumbo Jets

I was listening to Pandora radio the other day and it was spot on to what I wanted to listen to.
I was 100% happy with my Florence and the Machine station.
Even when Rusted Root was thrown in.
All I could say was EXCELLENT!
And it got me wondering, how in the hell does that work?
How can an app on my iPhone know what music to send me?
Which got me to thinking, how does that app even work?
Or the iPhone?
For gosh sakes, how is it even possible that I can punch in some numbers on my telephone and call my friend in Texas and hear her voice on the other side?
And the television.
Don’t get me started on that one.
Where does that picture come from?
I always envision little molecules of a story frame bubbling around over my head and through the sky, up into space and down to the back of my television.
I’m easily flabbergasted.
I just don’t get it really.

The phone,

TV,

animal migration,

walkie talkies,

wind,

people who like to climb mountains,

the interweb,

where the sound of a purr really comes from on a cat,

jumbo jets that don’t fall from the sky when they are jammed full of people and their stuff,

my dog who’s still scurrying through her life even though there’s a hole in her heart,

how a caterpillar can turn into a butterfly just by going into a fiber cave for a few weeks,

those folks that dive under the water for miles while holding their breath.

This all amazes me.
And reminds me that this life and world are really outstanding .
Aside from morons who say they “represent me” in congress or who want to be our president.
Or those that want a constant conflict, get a high from human suffering, and giggle over supreme rule like in Sudan or North Korea.
Aside from cancer cells and all of the consequences of treatment.  
Life is full of phenomenal highs and extreme lows.
But if we keep the wonder alive inside, it’s really a great place to be.

Prescription: Swallow Ten Pills At Bedtime

Zoe has been a real trooper since her diagnosis.  She of course has her down days, especially when she's taking steroids.  Steroids will be happening once a month for the next year.  She gets very depressed.  It's hard to watch.  I can't imagine what it's like inside her head for her during steroid time. 

In fact, I can't imagine what it's like for her period.  I can imagine, but I'll never really know. 

I do think it's easier for her because she's 6 years old. 

Adults always make a huge deal out of things while children just go with the flow.  
It was traumatic at first for her when her hair fell out, but she's accepted it and I must say, she looks very cute sans hair. 

I have tried to learn from her and live with a new mantra...who cares.  

*Who cares if there's a long line at the store...I'm lucky to have money to shop and two legs to stand on while waiting.

*Who cares if gas prices are soaring up...this happens every summer and unless I start walking everywhere, it is what it is.  

*Who cares if your kid is going to space camp or summer music camp...my kids are happy being themselves and I stand up for them in whatever they want to do.

*Who cares if Dancing With the Stars or The Bachelor or whatever crazy shows are on and you had to miss it because the President decided to give a speech at the same time...I know that time is fleeting and my kids are more important than a TV show and we try to watch as little mainstream TV as possible.  

*Who cares if it's hot out, cold out, raining out, cloudy out...find something better to worry about instead of something we have no control over.  Worry about the lack of education for children/women in 3rd world countries or the extreme poverty and hunger that some Americans face.  Worry about childhood cancer victims and the help doctors and researchers need to allow them to survive their disease and live to become adults.  Worry about that and help out.  Donate your time or money.  

*Who cares if you have a cold or your allergies are killing you...be thankful that you don't have to take up to 10 pills in one day and hope that they don't wipe out your immune system and/or your thinking abilities in the future.           

When I look at Zoe holding her vials of medicine that are curing her of a horrible disease that she didn't deserve to get, I am humbled. 

Humbled to live my life with less angst and more hope. 

We should all learn from her. 

If she can live her life and be carefree, can't you?

Webster's New Definitions

resilient- adj. 1)bouncing or springing back into shape, position, etc. after being stretched, bent, or, esp., compressed 2) recovering strength, spirits, good humor, etc., quickly 3) Zoe Skye

courage- adj. 1)the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful, instead of withdrawing from it; quality of being fearless or brave, valor 2)Zoe Skye

brave- adj. 1)willing to face danger, pain, or trouble; not afraid; having courage 2)showing to good effect; having a fine appearance 3)fine, grand or splendid
4)Zoe Skye

awe- n. 1)a mixed feeling of reverence, fear, and wonder, caused by something majestic, sublime, etc. 2)Zoe Skye

kind- adj. 1)sympathetic, friendly, gentle, tender-hearted, generous, etc.
2)cordial 3)loving;affectionate 4)Zoe Skye

wonder- n. 1)a person, thing, or event that causes astonishment and admiration; prodigy; marvel 2)Zoe Skye

Who knew one little girl could have so much meaning.