The A•hole

I'm an asshole. 

At least I feel like that some days. 

It's not because I drove super fast and beat that old lady in the gray Malibu into the closest spot at the Kroger store.

It's not because I made cabbage for dinner and cried crocodile tears until the kids tried it. 

It's not even because I yelled at Gigi for leaving the door to the car open. 

Again. 

It's because of this...

I am the only parent who does NOT get out of the car at preschool drop off.

I sit with my kid in my car, wait for the teachers to come outside, say goodbye to her with a kiss and a hug and remind her to close the door to the minivan as she leaves. 

Then I drive off. 

And these people are still standing there. 

In this photo, there is one teacher present. 

The other is on the bus that I'm parked behind getting more kids. 

I do have a reason for my drive and dash. 

Here's some history...

Last year Gigi would freak out when I took her to school. 

Screaming. 

Banshee screaming. 

She would develop a headache/stomach ache/foot ache on the drive to school. 

Then once inside she would see her sister who was on her way to the drinking fountain and she would cry some more. 

It worked better for us to do the "push out and drive fast" method. 

If I hung around on those benches out front, it was like she were embodying the spirit of Meryl Streep from Sophie's Choice. 

My mom or school?!

Which do I choose?!

The agony!

The indecision!

So, I would push her out and drive away. 

Fast. 

This year she's fine. 

No screaming. 

No crying. 

She found the braveness we knew was there all along. 

She enjoys going to school. 

She's a big cheese in her class now.

She's a big girl now. 

I don't need to sit with her. 

Or stand around like these people. 

Why are they standing around anyway?

Is something going to happen?

These parents certainly aren't sitting around comparing "the right and wrong way to discipline a 4 year old" or exchanging lasagna recipes. 

As you'll notice, if you look closely to the picture, not one parent is even remotely close to another parent. 

So, there's no way they are comparing notes on anything.   

I just don't get it. 

Some of these people were in our class last year. 

Are they there to tame the children in case one of them goes feral?

So, I'm the asshole who drives up, drops her independent (now!) daughter off with her two teachers who are waiting for her on the green benches, and then I drive off. 

Confident that she's going to be fine. 

That she doesn't need me to coddle her or to hover. 

She needs me to support her and to know that she's safe with her teachers. 

I want to raise confident and independent daughters. 

So, this asshole drives away.