Grocery Shopping Tips

Buy fruit.

Bring fruit into your kitchen. 

Take stickers off of fruit. 

Display out in clear view. 

Pretend your kitchen is in a magazine.

 

Take lots of quarters so your kids can hang out at the Fun Zone and not bug you in line by asking to help and thus dropping large containers of juice on the floor causing a grape bio-hazard at checkout 9. 

If you don't have a Fun Zone at your grocery store, I send my condolences. 

Take a list. 

Use the list. 

Or your cart will end up with cheese in a can, bandaids, and new socks. 

That's it. 

All other necessities will be forgotten without the list. 

Chat it up with the grandmas and grandpas who smile at your precious pre-school kid and/or baby that is with you in the chip aisle and then who tell you all about their grandkids.  

It will make their day. 

Remember, we will be that grandma/pa someday. 

Proceed quickly past the big guy in the rented scooter who's basket is full of beef jerky, Sucrets, and underpants. 

The line is long at the checkout because there are 18 customers and two checkouts open?

Don't stress. 

Read those tabloid magazines staring at you that 672 other people have already touched. 

And sneezed on. 

How else would you know that Teresa from RHWONJ is getting 25-50 years in prison (depending on which rag mag you pick up), that Matt Damon takes his kids to Wendy's, and that Chevron striped hats are all the rage. 

Take your own bags. 

Love the environment people. 

Use hand sanitizer once you get to your car. 

Lots of it. 

Did you see that big dude on the rented scooter?

I think I saw him reading the magazines at the checkout line...