Friday, May 18, 2012

Hotter Than Hot

Now, I'm no Loren Boatmen or Tom Skilling, but I'm going to give out my local weather report for the future.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's going to be HOT!

Hot as is Las Vegas in July!
Hot as in Don't Touch That Burner, Kid!
Hot as in you get boob sweat 2 .4 seconds after hitting the outdoors!

It was warm enough in early February for Zoe and her friends to go outside during her birthday party.
I predict that it will be as hot as Texas in Illinois very soon.
Then Texas will become as hot as Hades.
I'm just putting the warning out there.

Stock up on sunscreen, frozen bananas, and check the A/C to make sure it's in top-notch order.
I'm soooo glad we aren't in the city anymore in the summer.
The pavement heats up to boiling.
Our old pooch Madison burned his paw pads one summer going for a walk.
Not good.
I literally carried him everywhere for like 3 days.
The power grid doesn't get burned up out here like it does in the city.
Nothing sucks worse than the A/C or just the fan going out on you when you are surrounded by 3 million other people in the middle of the sweltering night.
I lived through the deadly heat wave of '95 in Chicago.
Now THAT was HOT!
I'm glad I've gone rural.
Where I have a pool to swim in that's 10 feet from my house.

Where the breeze hits us coolly across the face.
Where I have a basement to put an extra freezer that's full of ice, ice cream cake, iced fruit, you name it.  If it's iced it's in there...don't count the first shelf that's become completely iced over.  It needs to be defrosted soon.
I'm going to drink and hydrate myself with iced lemonades, iced coffees, iced ales, and iced wines. 

The dog days of summer seem to be upon us already.
It's only May. 

I am both anticipating and dreading the end of July.
It's going to boil someones feet, I just know it.


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