Monday, April 30, 2012

A Jumbled Mojo

I'm a very tolerant person.
I can stand behind the droves of people in one of two lanes that are open in a very busy Walmart and not make huffing noises so loud that others are obviously bound to hear.   
I can tolerate loud children running through my house banging cymbals they found from god knows where while marching in tap shoes.
I can tolerate sitting in a hospital room with my child waiting for what seems like an eternity for the results of the latest blood tests.
I can tolerate most things.

I have found that there's no use in getting upset about Zoe having cancer.
It is what it is.
I do stand up for her when she can't and demand the best care and make sure what is being done to her happens in a safe and loving way.
If you aren't the most chipper nurse on the floor and if I ever see even one eye roll out of you,  I'll be sure to remember your name and you won't be working with my kid anymore.
The hospital is a whole different entity all it's own.
Maybe it's because there's not much I can do about the cancer except be the most informed parent I can be, ask tons of questions, and hope that everything is working.
Maybe it's because of that and the enormity and complexity of the situation, that little everyday things drive me bonkers.

The fridge not working.
The car not starting.
A snarky old man who mows around my property "tattling" on us over something inconsequential.
People not following through on their end with important non-cancer communications.
If I can keep my head screwed on right with all that I have to deal with concerning the life we have been dealt here and the shitty cancer, why can't other people get it together?
When the little things in life don't cooperate, that's when my blood starts boiling.
Not chemo and radiation and their unrevealed future.
Everyday people and things that screw up the calmness and serenity I am trying to instill in the complexness that is our life right now.
My inner mojo gets all jumbled up and that's not fun to see.

Sure, sure.
Everybody has their own issues that the are dealing with that I may not know about.
Their dad is sick.
Their dog is sick.
They are having a hard time finding the right granite for their kitchen.
Work is so hard right now for them and it's softball/soccer/football/end of the school year season.
Blah, blah, blah, blah...
Guess what?
I don't care.
What I care about is you getting your shit together so that it doesn't disrupt my life.
Doesn't get in my way.
Sure, the fridge and the car can't get it together on their own.
But humans, I expect more from them.


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