Thursday, October 15, 2015

Idiot Parents And Their Car

Autozena, the Goddess of Automobiles, is an oft underrated figure. 
She often helps to make your day by tossing a quarter out at you. 
In between the seats, usually. 
You look down to put your seat belt on and see a shiny quarter on the floor.
And you're like "wow!  a quarter!"
And Autozena smiles. 
Having worked her magic she moves onto the next vehicle on her schedule. 
She may snap you out of your driving coma so that you don't rear end the guy in front of you who has decided to turn.
You know about driving coma, right?
You head out to, say the store, and you get there and think "huh?  I don't remember that drive at all."
Driving coma. 
Or Autozena may be helping you keep calm when you sit in the passenger seat as your "teenager/elderly mother/husband who learned to drive at 35" sit behind the wheel. 
Reminding you to breathe deeply and to help you muffle your scream as your "teenager/elderly mother/husband who learned to drive at 35" takes that off ramp a bit too quickly and you actually feel the car riding on two wheels only. 
What a goddess she is. 

We were blessed to have a visit by Autozena just the other day. 
She worked some very special magic in our minivan. 
I think it's her biggest feat yet. 
You see, we have these windows in the rear of our minivan. 
Way back there in the third row of seats. 
There's a hinge on them. 
Last year my husband and I tried opening them. 
They looked like they would just pop out. 
We pushed. 
Tried to pop them open. 
Pushed some more. 
I was bummed. 
I swore that I had seen other minivans like ours and those third row windows were popped out. 
Maybe our minivan was the one minivan made that year whose windows weren't going to pop. 

We have had this minivan for about 5 years. 
We got it when our daughter was diagnosed with cancer.
The car that we had, a fabulous mauve Honda Civic, was not going to be capable of driving our sick girl back and forth to the hospital, that was 45 minutes away, during the winter. 
So, it was late 2010 when we bought a 2008 Toyota Sienna.
And, after driving it for about 4 years, we finally thought about those rear seat windows. 
We are slow that way.
To say that we are NOT car people is an understatement. 
Well, we were all bummed when those windows wouldn't open. 
Poor, sad us. 

Then Autozena blessed us. 
Came down from her coupe in the sky to do something amazing for us.
I was getting into our now 7 year old minivan yesterday when I saw it. 
A button to the left of my hand as it sat on the steering wheel. 
This button. 

Where did that button come from?
It was just sitting there. 
Next to the side mirror button. 
Which I have used many times. 

I wonder what that button does?
So, pushed it. 
I heard something, but still wondered what was happening?
I pushed the top of the button. 
Then the bottom of the button. 
Then the top again. 
Then the bottom. 
I pushed the top once more and looked into the rearview mirror. 
And the windows. 
In the third row. 
Were OPEN!
Thank you Autozena!

I immediately called my husband. 
Who responded by saying "what button?"
"A magic button" I said, "It must have been installed overnight!"
When my kids got home from school I had them go out to the garage. 
I told them to sit in their seats. 
And then to turn their heads to the back windows. 
And I pushed the magic button. 
They squealed "the windows open!"
My oldest and wisest daughter questioned me and asked "but how?"
I told her how Autozena came in while we slept warm and cozy in our beds and installed it overnight. 
Right there next to the side mirror adjuster. 
She looked at me, rolled her eyes in that pre-teen way, and said "wow, you and dad are idiots."
Yes we are daughter. 
Yes we are...  

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