Friday, December 2, 2011

Stepping Forward

I've been thinking about renewal a lot lately. The way nature renews itself constantly. The trees rebud every spring. The mud and hard earth of winter always give way to fresh grass again. The birds have more babies, as do the deer. The world around renews itself. Then the people have to get in the way. Hatred, greed, constant complaining, fighting each other for materialistic shit. It's amazing to think we are still here and that the natural world hasn't taken over. People are trying their hardest to make sure the natural world doesn't last either. Part of the hatred and greed thing again. But I see how my daughter has rebuilt herself. How she renews her life every day, both inside and outside. She's getting hair again, her cells are behaving and stopping the initial overload of immature white blood cells that got her into this situation. We hope that this continues. We don't want to have to rebuild her again. The first time is taking a lot out of her, but she's diligent. She's not complaining (too much) and she's not hating anyone or anything because of her situation. I too, feel that I've been renewed from this experience. I always appreciated the natural world, but do so more now. To see and smell my world around me on the farm is uplifting. The smell of mud, manure, horse hair and decaying leaves is actually refreshing. I don't embrace hatred and complaints anymore. Sure, there are people I can't stand. Some relationships die off as we mature, while others seem to get stronger each day. I'm not going to let irate feelings override my life. My children deserve to hear laughter from my mouth, not spewings of hate and complaints about "nothing." So, through the eyes of cancer cells, through the damaging rays of radiation beams, through the obvious malice I should have for the world, I will smile. My daughter and I will hold hands and walk forward together strong and happy and ready to conquer everything ahead of us. Together. Because we know as bad as things can be at our home, it could be worse. And we take our next renewed step into a brand new day...

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