Likeable

Things I like...

Baking bread 

Cats

Pie

Listening to Zoe play the piano

Wild birds

My husband's laugh

Deer antlers 

Dogs

The zoo

Art museums 

The country

The city

Scarves

Hats

Pants of color

Pizza

Autumn 

Swimming

Sunning

Snow

Cheese

Bees

Antiques

The beach

Pictures of Hawaii

Photography

Cannoli

History

School pictures

Milk

Gigi's feet 

Freckles 

Having hope. 

What To Do...

During a winter storm there's a lot of time. 

Time to do tasks that don't normally get done. 

Time to clean. 

And bake. 

Time to cuddle with your kids. 

Time to hibernate. 

It's too cold to go anywhere. 

The roads are an ice rink. 

So, I've been doing the following...

Baked a banana cake. 

And some brownie bites. 

And a ham. 

Shaved my legs. 

Organized the laundry room. 

Vacuumed every corner I can get to. 

Read a lot of blogs. 

Taken lots of pictures. 

Trudged to the barn. 

Trudged back to the house. 

Watched husband trudge more. 

Watched husband snowblow the 

winding driveway. 

Helped the kids do some crafts. 

Been Rainbow Loomed to death. 

Broke up fights. 

Between housebound dogs.

And housebound kids. 

And housebound husband and kids. 

Read some books. 

Watched movies. 

Caught up on Breaking Bad.

Talked in circles to the barn cats about why they should stay in the house instead of going out in negative temperatures. 

Drank lots of coffee. 

And hot tea. 

Watched Downton Abbey. 

Listened to music. 

Ate nachos that the girls made us for dinner. 

Marveled at Mother Nature. 

I Think...

I think...

I need new underwear.
Not that my butt has gotten bigger or smaller.
It seems the same but some days my unders just go riding in places I didn't invite them to. 
Is there a super brief?
A brief that goes over my pudgy stomach, around both cheeks, and stays put all day long?
That's Spanx, right?
Maybe I need Spanx underwear.
Do they make that?
So many questions...

More people need to be true to one another.
True in their feelings.
Their friendships.
Their family relationships.
Stop the lying.
Stop the excuses.
As they say in the land of RuPaul... "there needs to be less shade and more T."
Word.

I hope there's a day that I don't think about the fact that I'm always thinking of whether or not the leukemia is staying away.
I think it's the main reason for my skin breakouts.
And my hair loss.
And my need for homemade chocolate desserts.

I need a new bathing suit top.
The ones I have are as follows...
-too big in the boobs
-too tight in the boobs
-too faded from sun/chlorine
It's time to buy a few new tops.
The bottoms I have are fine.
Quite different than my underwear problems.
Maybe I should wear bathing suit bottoms under my clothes?

Zoe has sprouted three new holes in her face this past weekend.
Two new holes in her ears and a new hole in her mouth.
Let's hope her love for adornment doesn't go any farther than her ears.
But I'm sure that her mouth will be getting some metal enhancements at some point. 
I don't even want to conjure that up in my mind.  

I'm enjoying getting out more.
Talking to other adults.
Shooting the shit and doing more than sitting in a hospital room for weeks at a time.
I like reminiscing with old friends and learning about new friends' lives. 
I think I like it.
I think I do...

First Snow

It snowed last night.

Wet and light at the same time.

Not much on the ground this morning, but enough to entice a 4 year old to get on her snow gear and head outside to lick the slide.

                                  

Winter is coming fast.

I hope we get much snow.

We need it and it will alleviate the drought we have been in.

Our snowblower was very lonely last winter.

We need some drifts, tunnels, snow caves.

We need a blanket to cover us to renew our souls and the earth itself.
Some people really dislike winter.
I don't.
I can't imagine living somewhere that didn't host this season.
The season of retreat and rebirth.
I enjoy going outside after a big snowfall and listening to the utter stillness that envelopes me.
To hear nothing but the crunch, crunch beneath my feet.
To see a new landscape and to think of what the future holds.    

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth,

for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:

it is the time for home.

~Edith Sitwell

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.
Today I'm thankful for...

-my daughters
-my husband
-my parents
-modern medicine
-pie
-Dr. Brandt
-Dr. Neibrugge
-Dr. Brooks
-our nurses
-the Lounsburys
-the Taylors
-the Cavins
-the Lauricellas
-LBM
-all of our friends, old and new
-research scientists in the field of childhood leukemia, t-cell ALL
-turkey
-iPads
-Disney
-cats
-warm days
-snow
-coffee
-Target
-ponies and goats
-cousins
-Chicago
-the country
-maps
-cranberry sauce
-my Native American ancestors
-my grandparents' ghosts
-dogs
-wild raspberries
-butterflies
-Jake
-dance
-the teachers and staff at our primary school- GO HAWKS!
-the staff at our dance company
-potato rolls
-photographs
-PBS
-more birthdays
-did I mention pie?

Winter Warlock Comes

Winter's coming.
I'm not going to let this weekend and it's 70 degree temps fool me.
The week will show us temperatures in the 30's and 40's.
The earth is freezing up more.
The ground cover is gone.
Nothing to really nosh on outside anymore.

The hayloft seeks more sustenance.
Only one half is full, we need the other half delivered soon.

The barn gets colder and more cavern like in the winter.
It's dark at 5:30 now.
A opossum joined Chad in the barn the other night when he was closing up...looking for a warm place to bunk down.

The cats curl up on the hay bales.

The heated water buckets are doing their job.

Winter is coming.

I couldn't imagine living without seasons.
Without witnessing the earth going to sleep to be awoken again in the spring.
To hear the snowy silence that winter warlock spreads over the wood.

Skills and Stuff

You know me and lists.
Here's a list of my skills versus stuff I suck at.

Things I've tried and I'm no good at:

Driving a stick shift - I am incapable of driving Chad's truck.  Which is not such a bad thing.
Have you seen his truck? 

Knitting - I tried once a few years ago.  I used to help my grandmother when I was a child with her knitting...knit one, pearl two.  But as an adult I couldn't get the darn thing started and all of my newly bought supplies began to gather dust.  Makes me a wee bit sad. 

Sewing - I LOVE watching Project Runway.  But I have zero sewing skills. I do have a sewing machine.  Another dust gatherer. 

Making fancy cupcakes or fancy cake icing - Just ask Zoe about the horse cupcakes of 2009.  It was like watching a horror movie. 

Touching raw meat - just ain't gonna do it.  Must.  Use.  Plastic. Gloves.

Cleaning the pool with the sucker vacuum thingy - either my arms aren't long enough or my coordination is off or something.  That's why I have a pool boy, I guess.  Pool boy numero dos starts work next year...Happy Retirement to my dad!

Things I have tried that I'm good at:

Cutting my own hair - who knew?  The back of the head is the hardest really.  Now I'm no Sally Hershberger or Vidal Sasson, but I do manage to go out in public after cutting my own hair. 

Dusting - I am a dusting aficionado.  I was always the family duster growing up and it's a trait that I have held onto.  My life is sad.  I know.  Moving on... 

Cooking without a recipe - I used to be able to only make microwave popcorn, but not anymore!  I can now make my turkey meatballs, cheese manicotti, and spicy pretzels sans recipe card.  Holla!

Writing a blog - another who knew?!  I guess I'm a good writer.  I certainly crack myself up sometimes.  And have brought myself to tears while writing about "the cancer."

What are some things you suck at..ahem, are not very good at...and some things that you just rock? 
It's okay to brag. 
I bet you can't beat my dusting prowess or my pool boy's leaf scooping abilities (you know, I hired him!) 

Sparkle and Twinkle

I am a total sucker at this time of year for Christmasy catalogs from places like Crate and Barrel and Ballard Designs.
I go gaga over really nice home decor for the holidays.
The wreaths, the garland, the unnecessary punch bowls with even more unnecessary wooden beverage labels that say punch or eggnog that get tied with a satiny ribbon to said punch bowl.
I want it all.
I could spend all day long at the Crate and Barrel on Clybourn in Chicago.
Make a day of it.  
Or at Old Orchard where I could also check out the displays at Nordstrom. 
Christmas in Chicago is beautiful.
I sure do miss that. 
We have taken the train up at Christmas time with the kids a few times.  
Walked around amongst the snowflakes, went to Marshall Fields (now Macy's) to see the window displays, all of the trees are lit up with white glittery lights, the atmosphere is so great.
Last year Zoe and I went up right before New Year's Eve.  
Spent the evening with our buddy Jake and then rang in the New Year with our friends in Evanston, Charlotte Brownie and Zane.  
She and I decided to take a walk over to the American Girl store before we went home. 
We parked about four blocks away (mama does street parking downtown if at all possible, makes me not feel like a visitor!) and had a great walk with the lake in view and the store was pretty empty on New Year's Day.  
I love taking my kids to Chicago around the holidays.
There's a magic there that's not felt in our own small town.
I love to see them gaze up at the skyscrapers and then wave to the police officers on horses that trot by.  
Take a trip up there yourself or if you live there take a day to go downtown to see the sparkle.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.    
  

Autumn Love List

I love Autumn and I love lists, so here's my list of what I'll love this Autumn...

Mums
The Great Pumpkin Patch
Pumpkin foods
Pumpkin lattes
Wearing a sweater
Wearing a blazer
Corduroy
Wearing long pants
Wearing cropped long pants (does that make sense?) with funky socks
Crisp and cool outdoor air 
Fires in the fire-pit
Cooking hot dogs and mallows over fire-pit fire.
Walking next to Zoe while she rides her horse on the horse trail and not sweating my arse off.
Yellow leaves
Gold leaves
Orange leaves
Red leaves
Acorns on the woodland floor
Acorns picked up by little hands on the woodland floor.
Bugs dying off
Pumpkins on the porch
Hay bales in the barn
Boo at the Zoo
Apples for pie
Apples for the horse
Curling up in a blanket watching a movie.
Fuzzy socks
Watching scary movies gearing up for Halloween.
Candy corn
Hot cider
Caramel apples
Pot pies
Why does this list contain so much food?
Gigi's 4th birthday
Charlie Brown on TV
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Wearing hats to keep warm
Fingerless gloves
Making Christmas lists
It always goes back to the lists.

Path to Wonder

We had our first substantial snowfall yesterday.
It was a certifiable blustery day.
Today it had calmed down quite a bit and it was a good day for an outdoor stroll.
The snow forces you to slow down.
To relax and be a witness to Mother Nature's magnificence.
So, out the door we went...  

The girls plowed through some snow drifts they found and did some driveway incline sledding (it's the closest thing we have to a hill in the yard) while I trudged to the barn with some water for the horse and goats. 
I loaded them up with more hay and offered them an apple. 

Did a bit of manure shoveling and looked around for a yellow plastic ear bud that one of the goats ripped off of my brother's safety ear plugs the other day and ingested as if it were a gumdrop. 
No sign up of it, but it could be buried under the snow. 
Or still in the goat's gut. 
Who knows. 
Anywho, after doing some barn chores the girls and I headed to the woods. 
As we were heading out of the clearing in the back pastures and into the quiet of the trees, where the wind doesn't blow and a serene feeling overtakes one, I heard a strange voice. 
A squeaking voice. 
I heralded a shhhh to the crowd and we stopped and listened, turned around and saw two of the barn kittens following us on our adventure. 
So into the woods went me and my girls, Lola the dog, and Cali and Popcorn the kittens.

We were looking for certain things (Zoe's idea) and had to keep our eyes peeled for
1. something bright and red 
2. something brown and mossy. 
I quickly found some red berries hanging onto a bush and Zoe uncovered some brown moss on a downed tree in the pond that's now dry. 
We found lots of deer tracks and pretended a blizzard was coming and had to take refuge in a fallen tree cave down a deer path. 
If you don't know, deer make their own paths in the woods. 
They like to walk the same trail over and over and over. 
It's always off of the regular human foot path, is much more narrow than a regular path would be, and in the winter it's surrounded by the trademark deer footprint which is a hoofed deer imprint that has a slight drag mark to it. 

So, after the blizzard was over we decided we were getting cold and headed back to the house. 
Gigi fell about 4,210 times and had cheeks the color of valentines by the time we made it in. 
Popcorn retreated to the dog bed and collapsed down next to his brother.

I love the snow...

            

Snowy Stories

Well, Heavens to Betsy...

It did snow before 2012 arrived!

I had heard something yesterday about some snow that was coming.

I was reluctant to believe it.

Figured it would have come and gone in the blink of my snoozing eye.

But when we woke up this morning, or were woke up by two children screaming "IT SNOWED!", we became sleepy believers.



With this small quantity of snow, it's best to get out early and play in it before it's gone.

So, before 9am, the snow pants were exhumed from the closet and the boots were shoved on.

The children were ecstatic... 

The kittens were thoroughly baffled...

And only one of the three barn animals was excited.

The goats were heard declaring to us from the barn door,

"Did you know something horrible has happened to the ground? 

Send help and bananas at once!"

A huge plus for us, in addition to the snowfall, was a visit this morning from the Pritts/Floyd family.

Let's hear a round of applause for Jack and Luke's always prepared mother Julie!

With snow boots and gloves at the ready, they were able to comfortably meet the pony and the goats and still make a snowman with poo-enhanced snow...just one of the perks of living on a farm, folks.   

Uncle Tim and Grandpa Dave Pritts came along as well and Grandpa told us wonderful tales of his life as a boy.

He grew up with my great uncle Dale who lived on this farm.  Grandpa Dave lived here as well from the sound of it!  We heard tales of peacocks on the farm, ponds and horses, the silo where a tree now grows used to be climbed up by Dale and Dave. 

It's great to see a new generation embrace this place again.

Makes my heart all melty.



Zoe, Luke and Jack





It's Begining To Look A Lot Like Mud...

So, from the looks of my handy dandy iPhone Weather Channel App, there's not going to be any snow for Christmas.  Doesn't look like there's going to be any white stuff by the end of the year at all.  My kids are pleading for snow.  To stuff themselves into snow suits, well maybe not that.  But they really want to see something besides mud outside. 

I would be agreeable to some white precipitation.  The goats would probably say otherwise.  The farmer's almanac* says "Because of above normal temperatures, much of the precipitation will likely be rain or mixed precipitation."  Damn.  Mud does not make a pretty snowman.  Oh well, I guess we will have to work with what we have.  The frozen water from the birdbath is about all we have right now...

* Farmers' Almanac

Rolling Snow

When you reside in the country, you feel the seasons more.

More wind.

More snow.

More rain driving into your face as you go to the barn.

Not that those in the country get more precipitation than those in urban areas, but you actually can feel it more. 

The wind forces it way across the cornfield on the west side of our house.  Where wind breaks in the form of large bushes and trees were planted long ago by my ancestors.  To keep the wind and snow and rain away.  To help us not feel it's punch so hard.  

  

It can become quite a respite to go into the woods during a howling snow storm and you immediately can feel the calmness around you.  The trees block out the wind and the noise and you are in your own sweetened paradise. 

The smells are amplified.

The sounds are tunneled right to your ears.

Sometimes it's the silence that is the most exciting thing. 

It's a marvelous place to be.    

Winter is right around the corner.  I heard a lady telling someone else the other day that this winter is supposed to be really bad...egads.  Did her Farmers Almanac tell her that?  I need to get one of those.

While I do admire the seasons and can not fathom living in a climate without seasons, I am honestly not looking forward to this winter.  It will be the first winter for us with animals in the barn.  Where we must trek out numerous times during the day (when the day gets shorter and the darkness comes sooner) and check on Buttercup, Tulip and Yogurt.  To make sure the kittens are okay and (who am I kidding they will probably be in the house all winter) to check that the water buckets haven't frozen over, to refill the hay bins.   

The long shadows of winter are upon us...  

and the biting snow is not far behind...
 

When it's so cold that your first inhaled breath outside hurts...

 

When the ice takes over...

But beauty still prevails in Mother Nature's garden...

I'm not looking forward to cabin fever and melting snow from boots in the house.
Nor am I looking forward to tromping to the bird feeder in 3 feet of snow to fill it for those that have naught. 
But to miss the seasons is to miss a part of the natural world that is an astonishment to the senses.
So, I will get out the snow boots, checking that each has a match.  Same with gloves.  To prepare us for the upcoming wonder of winter.
Always remembering that spring is there and just waiting to receive us ...

Through woods and mountain passes
the winds, like anthems, roll.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Fa La La La La

The cold weather holiday season is fast approaching and while I love these upcoming holidays, I don't necessarily like the cold weather associated with them. One or two nice peaceful looking snows is sufficient for me. One for Christmas and one right after Thanksgiving would be nice. We live across from a wide open cornfield and the wind comes howling across the yard. Our almost 100 year old house with it's beautiful, yet almost 100 year old windows, gets chilly. It's almost time to put the plastic on the windows, fancy the place up a bit!

Zoe has been making her Christmas list. Who knew that I would be spending money on things called "fuzzoodles" or "squinkies"?

It's a bit easier when there is a list to look at. Gigi can't write yet so I don't know what she's going to get from Santa!

She LOVES baby dolls, so I'm sure she will get one of those and a new doll stroller. The overload of toys and games gets to be too much...do they really need all of this stuff?

No.

But when life gets hairy and new obstacles are thrown your way, you can go a bit overboard. I'm sure this Christmas will hit the maximum for Zoe. She deserves to have anything she wants. She's endured a lot this past month and has much more to come in her future. She's wise beyond her years and I'm not worried about her being over-indulged or becoming "spoiled". We have been told by hospital staff that kids with cancer tend to be more mature than other kids their age, they have had to grow up faster.

So, bring on the fuzzoodles, the squinkies, all of the American Girl Doll crap she can handle...

This is one kid who has been nice, not naughty.

Gigi on the the other hand..............