My conversations seem to be about people one-upping me.
You know what I mean?
Here's the situation...
I try to tell a story.
An event that's happened to me within my life.
Boring or monumental.
Each day is different, right?
People do this hundreds of times a day.
Have conversations with other people.
Unless they are hermits.
Hermits never see, let alone talk, to other humans.
But I'm not a hermit.
And I have conversations with real, live people and they seem to be listening but really they aren't.
They heard two words probably.
It's a one-sided conversation from the start.
And I had no idea.
This other person is thinking throughout our entire conversation about their turn.
"Ohhhhh, when's it my turn???...my turn, my turn, my turn!"
And when you stop speaking, having maybe spilled out your heart, they immediately one-up you.
You went to birthday party for a 95 year old woman?
They know someone who's 96!
Planning a trip to NYC?
They just got back from London!
You had a chemo treatment?
They know someone whose dog had a brain transplant!
You are thinking of getting a shingles vaccine?
They are working on an AIDS cure!
Sigh...
Kids do this too.
A lot.
I wonder where they get it from?
As a parent, I'm raising a portion of the future.
A very small portion, but a few can change the world.
And I'm trying to help my daughters navigate through the *intelligent and thoughtful conversation* protocol.
Why can't people hear you anymore?
Just hear what you have to say and accept it.
To say wow, great story.
To be empathetic.
Sympathetic.
Nope.
Always have to one-up everyone.
I'm trying to be more cognizant of this.
And I hope I'm not doing this.
I'm sure I am at times.
So, I'm nipping it.
Where are the snippers?
Nip, nip...I want to hear what YOU have to say.
And I hope you can stop to hear me, too.
...photo credit goes to my friend Mark, he captures my best moments.
I was made aware of this last year. While I thought I was acknowledging the other persons joy, frustration, sadness, etc, people instead took my comments as one -upping. It was a huge eye opener because I thought my comments would bring relief but instead it did the opposite. I'm also listening to a course about communication. In order to communicate you must be a good listener, listening completely rather than thinking of the next thing to say. It's a common issue and one I need to work!
ReplyDelete